This whisk is difficult to use due to its innate desire to always stay in the same place. As such, it is very heavy and requires an enormous amount of strength to operate. Some say it never moves, and by attempting to use it it is actually the universe around the whisk that you are moving. I don't know why you would want a whisk like that, but now it is yours.

The single upside is that, after using the whisk, it folds together neatly like a napkin.

Wait, goose cheese? GOOSE CHEESE? What the actual hell?? Is it called that because it's shaped like a goose, or did a goose somehow produce this cheese? Is that even possible? How would such a thing even work??? I've heard of goat cheese, but this defies any sort of reason. I don't know how to feel about that.

Legend has it that if you try to put this cheese on a piece of bread, it will consume the bread. So not only is it nonsensical, but also impractical to use as an ingredient. That's fowl.

This chair, when sat upon, will regale you with tales of food and drink from all over the world. At first this may seem impressive, but in actuality, all it accomplishes is that you won't be able to focus while doing your taxes, it will interrupt conference calls, and you will also constantly be hungry and thirsty.

On the plus side, if you spin the seat around really fast while staring at it, you might be able to hypnotize yourself into thinking you aren't dissatisfied with this arrangement.

This item seems conventional at first, but this is no ordinary wooden spoon. In fact, it possesses a miraculous quality. You see, this spoon directly affects the weave of fate. It is said that those with the magical gift of sight will be able to see a frog resting beneath the utensil. And while this frog dwells in your house, it guarantees that a gigantic purple cat will one day break through your walls, destroy everything in its path, and potentially throw a car at you while you sleep.

What a magical destiny.

A heavy metal door that is unlike any other in its protective qualities. Extensive tests have been performed on this door and it has been deemed impervious to weapon fire, explosives, and endless rambling tirades from questionable individuals. In fact, there is not even a key for it, and it cannot be opened. At all.

Few know that the door is actually fully sentient. It takes immense pride in its uniqueness and will get offended if it is called "another door". On the other hand, greeting it jovially with a simple "hello" will cause it to respond with great delight.

This stylish board for cool kids has a peculiar property where it hovers a few centimeters above the ground, floating, if you will. This would look be really impressive and totally make people think you are the hot new shit, but unfortunately some absolute dingus has put wheels on it anyway, ruining the effect.

Way to spin your wheels and not go anywhere.

This trendy new age hybrid eating utensil surely rocks the cat's cradle and the favored choice for people who want to eat pudding and also hunt werewolves at the same time! For everyone else though, the relative softness of the material is less than practical.

If you ever get sick of having this thing lying around, why not try wearing it on your ear as a novelty earring? Or twist it into a pretzel and impress all of your friends with your tacky new modern art piece.

Marvellous! Finally a toaster for the food-conscious man, woman, or bean creature on the go! This chic top hat made from the finest silks and industrial tin will always keep your head warm and comfortably weighted. Several fashion magazines have dutifully labeled it as "The only hat that can give you sunstroke even in the deepest winter".

Make sure to not wear the hat for longer than two hours a day to prevent neck complications. Also, do not bow too deeply with it, unless you want to shower your opposite's footwear with burnt crumbs.

What is this? WHAT IS THIS ORB??? What is it for? I don't know! It keeps just sitting there, staring at me... knowing... JUDGING! I keep looking at it at night, and it looks back at me. Who am I? Am I human? Do I matter in the grand cosmic scale? Do these patterns mean anything? And is it gay to lie in bed pondering the meaning of balls? The tapestry of reality is unraveling before my eyes, dissolving into strings and knobs as flesh and soil are rebirthed into a new, smothering aesthetic. Colors reshaping into dreams. Matter unwriting itself into thought. Disco is coming back.

Back in my day, we didn't have any of your Nintendos, or social media, or toilet paper. We had to entertain ourselves with sticks and strings and... I hated every minute of it, to be honest. What dark times lie behind us. Imagine playing with some low-tech device like an ecologically friendly yo-yo made of yarn that can't even run Skyrim? Ha ha ha... how silly that would be.

...wait, the next item is WHAT? Oh... Oh dear.

If you've ever been stuck on a hike in the mountains and thought to yourself: "If only I had an inexhaustible supply of chestnuts", this backpack is probably not the right choice for you, because its nut storage capacity is limited, just like any other object bound to this depressingly mundane physical plane. You can put nuts in it of course, just not an endless amount. Special care should be taken when handling this piece of equipment, for it has been known to start rapping spontaneously. Do not wear this backpack while in a Youtube video to avoid copyright strikes.

This electrifying piece of clothing will keep you fresh and even-tempered. Designed to form a tight, non-permeable seal once worn, you can fill it with all manner of hot broths and spicy mushrooms to keep yourself warm in the cold months. Also works in reverse; just fill it up with ice cubes. The delightful shirt will be sure to alert everyone to your presence, with crinkly noises and questionable culinary odors. Plus, now you will always be prepared for that common occurrence when a stranger randomly gifts you a whole turkey on the street.

A sink/faucet combo that should be mandatory in every household/public bathroom. The friendly, appealing, and decidedly not off-putting design will fill your watery experiences with delight. Its stern, slightly disapproving gaze will gently encourage you not to forget washing your hands, and it will also be a trusty companion on those lonely nights when you're stuck washing the dishes alone.

Advisory: Please do not try to date the sink.

Ah, the preferred drink of the lonesome cowboy who likes his drinks sweet and fruity, but is secretly scared that all the other cowboys will make fun of him for it. Highly advanced smoothie technology has been used to give this drink a froth to put all wheat beers to shame. Has a slightly soapy aftertaste.

It is said that this beverage will do the Can Can when slid across the counter in true wild west fashion. This is very impressive, but unfortunately results in excessive spillage. Not recommended.

I would love nothing more than to stay and write a lengthy description for this item, but I am a busy person and have other things to do. Luckily, that is just perfect because this tablet is the go-to technological assistant to those who are constantly on the move. Now you can be attuned to every data point in existence, even the irrelevant ones. In fact, ESPECIALLY the irrelevant ones. Put it on your face and it will directly interface with your brain through your eyes, ensuring you will never not know anything about everything ever again.

Unearthed very recently from a hidden cache at the bottom of an undersea tar lake, it seems like this is a prototype of the popular children's toy that started the Furby craze in the late 90s. Its discovery has shed new light on how the product was originally conceived. Apparently, there were two designs in consideration at the time; the one we are familiar with, and this one. As we are all aware of how history turned out to be, this outdated design was deemed the second banana and its existence obfuscated.

As a toy, it functions exactly the same as a regular Furby, only it will scream all of its dialogue in a barely restrained panic.

This divinely beautiful and elegant tea set was created by famous British craftsman Lewis Stonarsse, who based the design off of cement statues he found while exploring an abandoned antique store's basement in his hometown. Though the set's whereabouts were unknown for a long time, it resurfaced recently and was discovered for sale on Ebay. A small-time curator purchased it for the purpose of appraisal, and allegedly gave it "really good grades".

Now it is yours. Funny how that works out.

This state of the art hand-held microphone is a must-have for every aspiring professional singer and entertainer. Elevate your performance with this cutesy voice enhancer, so that one day, you may climb the ladder of success and sing your way into the hearts of your fans as the world's #2 idol! Also comes with a stylish mic-head protector, for when you need to drop it like it's hot.

Advisory: You can only become the #2 idol because the #1 spot is already taken. Duh!!!

Holy fucking shitballs, Tails, HOLY FUCKING SHIT! It's a motherfucking CHILI DOG! It's got like the dog part and also it's got like beans on it and crap! Fuck me sideways with a bicycle lock, Tails, it's so hot! It's burning my fucking insides! Why do you think I'm always running around like a jackass? My gut is a hellish pit of flames! Fucking cocksicle shit Tails, I have to go again! God, why have you forsaken me on this fucking Earth???

A book written in unknowable script before humanity began recording the history of language development. This tome is said to be so ancient that it emerged from the Earth's crust while the planet was still in a semi-liquid state. Its impossibly old pages are stained with volcanic sediment and all kinds of primordial juices. Nobody quite knows what is written in it, but it appears to contain detailed schematics of vehicle designs.

Also known as "The Umbrella with Batrachotoxin", this phenomenal parasol will shield you from the harsh rays of the sun while coating you with an equally harsh venom secreted from its underside. All in the name of keeping you cool, for while your system is busy fighting off the deadly infusion eating away at your life force, you will be too distracted to realize how hot the weather actually is.

Legal advisory: This is a good idea and you are not permitted to think otherwise.

This strikingly red cotton scarf comes pre-coated in flower pollen, for when hay fever season just isn't exciting enough for you and you need to spice it up! Now you can start the year with your eyes red and awash with tears and your lungs gasping for air like you're a choked fish. After all, there is nothing more romantic than the threat of imminent suffocation.

The scarf is double-layered, and a zipper at one end allows it to be inverted into a black design, for your next of kin to wear at your funeral.

The spoon for the conscious cereal connoisseur of class. Made from highest quality recycled industrial hard plastic, this is an eating utensil you'd be proud to frame a picture of. It is exceedingly durable and resistant to all kinds of substances, meaning no matter how abhorrent and eldritch the concoction you're planning to shovel into your mouth is, the thing you're scooping it up with will never disintegrate.

The only downside (apart from all the other evident ones) is that the spoon will sometimes prompt you to write newspaper articles. If you refuse, it will open its mouth, thus depositing the spoon's contents into your lap.

Ah, the frying pan worthy of handling a world-class detective's breakfast eggs. It comes in three easy-to-use settings, them being "softboiled", "hardboiled", and "autopsy", and also has an integrated microscope to identify tiny fissures in the egg shell that could hint at an egg's premature expiration. The skillet also has a compartment for various chemical dyes that appply themselves to all animal products prepaired in this pan, changing the food's color depending on the animal's age, blood type, and credit score.

Handle with care, as this delicate instrument is able to deliver the most subtle of dulcid tones directly into your prehistorical ear canals. Definitely provides a lot of mileage for audio fanatics, but you don't need to be an egghead to enjoy this cute design that screams "Uh, when was Easter again, guys?".

Also, when you get bored of them, they're pretty good on toast, or so I've heard.

"Crows drink??"

Nothing is better to keep a girl's secrets safe from prying eyes than this mushroom lass-themed diary with a tight locking mechanism. A complex security setup will track who is allowed to handle this book and violently eject mushroom spores at any unauthorized parties laying their hands on this object.

Be sure you really mean it when you close this book again, for there is no key to the lock, and it can only be opened again if you achieve a task that Toadette deems worthy.

This is a set of firearms, the number of pieces contained within being three (3). There must be, at any and all times, exactly three (3) guns as to ensure the continued integrity of this set. Should there ever be less (-) or more (+) than exactly three (3) guns in this set, caution is advised and you should contact the manufacturer (of the guns), for that is an exceptional situation that warrants alert. Be sure to let the phone ring exactly 3 (three) times, so the phone operator can be sure of the urgency of your call. Thank you for purchasing 3 (3) guns from Three (three) Guns Incorporated (guns).

This is a simple, red, solar-powered calculator. It is not very flamboyant or extravagant, but in stark contrast to every other object you could have pulled, it actually reliably performs the function it was designed for. As such, in its humble and dignified state, it may very well be the most quirky item in this pool.

Thank you for using this calculator.

"Cappy (SMO)" and "Corona Mountain boat (SMS)" have received 2 votes each.

"'Shopping in _' Power Moons (SMO)", "Air Meter", "Assist Mode (SMO)", "Button mashing (M&SatOGT2020)", "Coin (MK8)", "Endless Challenge (SMM2)", "Fast speed of backwards shells in (MK8 &amo; MK8D)", "Joy-Con shaking (SMP)", "Locking characters to a single event (M&LatOG)", "Must use Mii in single player mode (FS)", "Playing as 18-Volt (WW:GIT!)", "Playing as Pyoro (WW:GIT!)", "Poltergust (LM)", "Pull Stars (SMG & SMG2)", "Spring Mario (SMG & SMG2)", "Super Guide", and "White Tanooki Mario" have received 1 vote each.

Placed with 10 votes.

This page contains a beautiful 2D painting, facing sideways. Flip your view port to admire it.

Placed with 12 votes.

Makes me weep sadly and throw bones.

Placed with 12 votes.

Collecting star poop is not what I pictured myself doing on my space adventure.

Placed with 28 votes.

Incinerate it.

Placed with 29 votes.

Will hopefully not be resurrected.

Placed with 32 votes.

Honey, I'm filing for a divorce.

Placed with 37 votes.

We depart today from our dear friend Lakitu, who has been found half-stuck inside a wall. A camera was wedged in his butt.

Placed with 43 votes.

Man, you won't believe the latest news! Get this: The p--

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Placed with 48 votes.

He keeps going and going... off a cliff... hopefully in a dumpster.

Placed with 54 votes.

Whoever came up with this must have traded brains with a cactus.

Placed with 62 votes.

I can think of more entertaining things to do that involve waggling.

Placed with 85 votes.

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? You want to turn this car around? Please do!

Placed with 104 votes.

That is a big number, so I won't blame you if you don't know what that means.
Just imagine the biggest number you can count to, and then know it's a whole lot more than that.

Placed with 120 votes.

(Due to a lawsuit, this description has been deemed an unnecessary irritant and has thus been removed)

Placed with 143 votes.

There is a common link between stickers and excessive emotional pain. Many people use alcohol to try and remove both.

Placed with 154.

A hideous chimera of exploitative content gating tactics and Nintendo's harebrained naming schemes from the Wii/Wii U era. My favorite amiibo is the one of BotW Link having fun while holding a bow. You know the one.

Placed with 292 votes.

You've made it to the tip of the pyramid scheme. Congratulations! Paradoxically, it is all uphill from here.

Also fuck Mario Kart Tour.